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Andrea interpreting for Former President, Bill Clinton
Andrea interpreting for Former President, Bill Clinton

Today was another new milestone for me. I interpreted for a fashion show to benefit a charity cause that is near and dear to me. Anyone who knows me will understand how ridiculous it is for me to do such a job. It's not that I'm ignorant about fashion per se, but I truly consider myself lucky to make it out of the house every day with all the socially required pieces of clothing properly in place.

 

There is also nothing quite like being on stage with a traipsing parade of gazelles to underscore that special feeling of being caught in a spotlight where you don't belong. As I am given to accessorizing with cat hair and seek outfits that can do justice to what can only be described as a Botticelli figure, I find dressing for these types of work occasions particularly challenging. Here are a few tips that I find invaluable for the work:

 

1 - They told you to wear black in school. Please stop complaining and just do it. Unless you really do look like the Corpse Bride. In which case, throw on some bright red lipstick and embrace your inner zombie.

 

2 - They never told you to run that black outfit under some seriously bright lighting though, did they? Black is SEE THROUGH with the right material under strong lighting (you know, like when you're on stage or rocking the red carpet), so make sure you check that before you go public with the goods.

 

3 - Do NOT sacrifice comfort for fashion. There is nothing more unattractive and distracting in this world than a girl tugging at a hem line or hauling her neck line back into place repeatedly. Keep your outfit modest and comfortable.

 

4 - Tank tops are NEVER okay. I don't care what the assignment is. Unless you are interpreting somewhere in the desert and, even then, I'm sure you'd do better with a nice wicking material. Our job requires us to wave our hands in the air while our clients stare at us intently. No one wants to see your sweaty pits.

 

5 - Pockets. I really can't stress this enough. You will get caught at work with your cellphone, car keys, Chapstick, or some other small object that you can't/won't/don't want to get rid of. Either you run the risk of setting it down to be stolen or forgotten or you stash it somewhere. The bra is a bad choice (sweaty and insecure). Your waistband won't work either (guns seem to fit without slithering down your backside, but smaller objects can and will find the exact vector to travel at maximum velocity to the floor at the most awkward moment). Buy work clothes with pockets.

 

6 - Take a look around. See what the clients are wearing. You shouldn't be the best or worst-dressed person in the room. Keep some neutral jewelry in your bag. It's a quick fix to bling your outfit if you find yourself looking like a hobo in a room full of well-dressed people. Layers with more casual shells and underpinnings are an easy way to dress it down if you accidentally wear a power suit to someone's non-profit retreat where hemp fiber is the dress code. Think about ways you can manipulate your outfit so that your car doesn't wind up looking like a poorly organized hamper.

 

That reminds me. It's Sunday night. Time to go rotate laundry and sort my blacks from my.....who am I kidding? Everything goes is the darks cycle. 😀